4:09 AM

Answer the pepperoni:

MAX: Oh, I’m not confused. I’m just . . . what do you mean?

DEAN: Their eating habits are just the start of what you’re gonna have to get used to. There’s tons of stuff you should be aware of.

MAX: Really?

DEAN: Oh yeah. Like, don’t ever use the last of the parmesan cheese. And never get into a heavy discussion late at night ‘cause that’s when they’re at their crankiest. Oh, and uh, go with their bits.

MAX: Their bits?

DEAN: Yeah, like, if you’re eating pizza with them and Lorelai decides that the pepperoni is angry at the mushrooms because the mushrooms have an attitude and then she holds up a pepperoni and the pepperoni asks for your opinion…don’t just laugh. Answer the pepperoni.

MAX: Answer the pepperoni.

DEAN: And don’t let them near puppies ‘cause they’ll want to take home every one.

MAX: Oh, that one I knew.

DEAN: Oh, and uh, here’s a big one. If you ever think that they’re doing something crazy, they’re not. You see, after a while, their thinking becomes clear, but by the time it’s clear, they’ve already done two other totally crazy things that you can’t figure out. So there’s no catching up.